Tuesday I shared some of the reasons family time is important and why I care so much about living life together. Fortunately, church is one time where the family can be together. Right?
Hmm, let’s think about what happens during the course of a week at a typical church:
- Sunday School – Separated by age in different classrooms.
- Worship Service – Separated by age with children’s church, nursery, and sometimes even a teen service.
- Wednesday Nights – Separated by age with youth group, children’s group, nursery and adult classes.
- Small Groups – Starting to see even these separated by age for mid-high, senior high, couples, senior adults etc.
Not once in this church week is there a dedicated time for the entire family to be together.
I don’t expect society to care about bringing the family together and creating an atmosphere that cultures those relationships. However, I would love for the church to have many of its functions and opportunities work for all ages to do together. Hey, I’d be happy with one or two church activities that were for the entire family. What a way to support a family- encourage them to pray together, serve together, and worship together.
Segregating everything by age is a huge disservice to the body of Christ. After all, families are integrated and the church is a family. We all belong to the same body and have things to glean by doing life together. This mean infants, toddlers, teens and adults. People in every stage of life.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I understand from the church’s perspective that they are a between a rock and hard place wanting to appeal to everyone (especially those new to the church) and even feel a bit of competition with other churches.
There aren’t any perfect solutions but maybe there should be compromise. Have Sunday School and Wednesday nights separated by age (or you could even start with everyone together and then separate) but keep small groups for families. Maybe Children’s Church and nursery could be available for those who want to use it but the church could be equally supportive and upfront as to how they love to see children worshiping with their parents. Each family could then decide what is right for them. A parent won’t feel like an outsider for keeping their family together or for using the nursery.
Further Reading
I found three articles to be very encouraging and reaffirm what I’m thinking. They let me know l was not alone in this endeavor.
- Thriving Family wrote on Welcoming Kids Into Worship
- Jessica from Our Family for His Glory wrote a letter To You Mamas With Little Ones in Church
- The Gospel Coalition’s post was Don’t Segregate the Youth
How do you think that church can best be supportive of families?
(Tuesday I’ll discuss why I keep my children in church with me and give some suggestions for helping them sit through the service.)
Linking up to Fellowship Fridays, Essential Things Friday, Mama Moments, Homemaking Link-Up, Thriving Thursday, Proverbs 31 Thursdays
This is an idea that has really intrigued me since we first became parents, though we have maintained the status quo so far and have kept our kids in the nursery at church, for the most part. I really enjoyed what you had to say and it’s making me reconsider things. Found you at CMB’s Fellowship Fridays!
Thanks for stopping by! I really enjoy your blog. I’m all about researching and making the best decision for ones family – even when it comes to church. I know what we decided is definitely not widely accepted though. Most people thing we are strange. 🙂
I love what you have written here. I share your passion for sharing church as a family maybe some of the time. However, having said that I think churches need to do Family church better. In my experience they have always been the hardest services to attend. Interesting thoughts.
Thanks for sharing at Essential Fridays.
Blessings
Mel from Essential Thing Devotions and Connect With God
I’m sure there are many ways to do it and make it work for a family better! And I know that this is one of issues that works differently for each family and everyone will decide and look on the issue differently. My perspective is definitely the odd one. 🙂 Having kids in church is not easy at all, but it’s something we have decided to do for our family. Thanks for stopping by and for the link-up!
I agree with you. We don’t have Children’s Church or anything like that where we attend, but all my friends go to churches where their children are separate from them. I’ve felt a little jealous because my little ones keep my attention through most of worship, so I never feel like I hear a sermon. But I firmly believe that they are learning from being there and I want my kids with me. They need to learn that we worship together and how to do that. How will they ever learn if they’re kept out of worship until they’re older? And then why would they want to go to church when they’re older and it’s no longer fun?
I appreciate your post’s candor and look forward to your next post.
What you wrote is exactly what I think. Having my children in church with me isn’t easy but I feel it’s so important. I think they can learn everything they would in children’s church at home but the only place they can learn what they do during the worship service is there. Our church has a children’s program during the entire service and we are just finishing up an addition and complete remodel of the children’s area and I know there will be new pressure to place my kids in there. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. The internet is a nice place to not feel alone even when you are the only one in your local body of believers doing things a certain way. 🙂
What an interesting post. I think you make a good point that perhaps some activities can remain separated by age and others should become more family oriented. When I was a child, I remember that my parents allowed me to choose if I wanted to go to the nursery and play or stay in church, and oftentimes I chose to stay in the service with them. I’m just now a mom, so my husband and I have kept our baby in the service with us, but I’m not sure what we will do as he grows older. I want him to learn and be educated in our faith, so I think the church service as well as things like children’s church can play role. To me, it definitely makes sense to separate by age for children’s church in order to teach at an appropriate level, and so often the sermon itself wouldn’t make sense to young children. Now I’m just rambling. 🙂 Great post…it really started me thinking!
Yes, there are so many things that play a roll! Children raised in a Christian home are blessed by having parents that make teaching them about Jesus and Bible Stories a part of their every day life – it’s not a once a week occurrence. How neat that you are already thinking about it when your little one is just a few months old (he’s cutie, by the way). This is one of those issues I think every family will decide differently, but I think it’s important for us all to think about it and make the decision!
Thanks for linking up at Babies and Beyond. This is something I have struggled with personally. I LOVE the idea of keeping my family together in worship service, but the practically of having a toddler and a baby in church (and soon to be another one!) is daunting. Right now we keep our baby in the nursery and our toddler goes to Children’s church on Sunday morning. This allows me and my husband to serve in the music ministry. On Sunday evenings our toddler stays with us, and this gives us time to teach him and worship with him. It’s a good compromise for our family. In the future I’d love to look for a more family integrated church that would hopefully make it easier for us to keep our little ones in service with us!
Yes, it is so hard, especially with young children. I’m glad you and your husband are able to serve on Sunday mornings. Our church doesn’t have evening service so that isn’t even an option for us. Sounds like a great compromise though and enables your son to participate and observe you guys worshiping. That’s one of the things I’d love in a church as well!
Hi!! Just wanted to let you know that your post is among this week’s featured, so will be pinned, tweeted, and shared on FB, as well as the blog. 🙂 Help yourself to a featured button, and thanks for linking up. 🙂
Wow! Thanks so much for featuring my post. You are awesome.
You make a good point. And it makes me more grateful that my church DOESN’T separate for our main worship service. We are all together, for an hour and 15 minutes, sitting, signing, taking the sacrament, and praying. But, it’s crazy hard trying to get all of your kids (I have twins and a baby) to sit still that whole time and get something out of it all. And, we have church activities that are for the whole family.
How awesome that your church has families stay together! We are one of the only “odd” ones where we are at. I agree, it is crazy hard! Some Sundays I want to just stay home, but over all I feel that it’s so worth it. Love hearing of churches that has activities for the whole family. Thanks for stopping by.
Trust me. There were many Sundays when my twins were babies that I honestly thought about staying home. I would often end up in the foyer anyway, or leave to nurse a baby, or whatever. This is especially true since at our church, children don’t go to nursery until they are 18 months old. This means I’m not only sitting with them during service, but during Sunday school too. Doubly crazy! But, the husband and I decided early on that we’d make the best of it. And my kids don’t have that hard of a time sitting through church now. They happily (and quietly) color, eat some snacks, and look forward to the songs, prayers, and so on.
When our oldest was small we preferred Family Church- he stayed w/ us and was well behaved and very bright- completely bored w/ his age group and the lessons taught…but now we have a child w/ specific needs and so we find it best to fellowship and worship together but have separate ( w/ one of us involved) lesson or study time. i think it can be a disservice to have all studying together if the young ones are disruptive or miserable- i want my girl to have a good time at her level of abilities….i think we need to decide what is ‘church’ for us…it is mostly man-made and can take many forms, at different seasons of our lives. what is church for – what is it’s purpose in your family’s growth and each individual’s needs? we homeschool and have a lot of family time, church can be an extension of that or a way for us each to get something we need to fuel us personally. God can meet our needs individually and together. maybe if the church we attended was large we would feel disconnected but ours is small and very personal. just wanted to share our experience from both sides 🙂
Exactly!!! What is best is going to vary from family to family (and kid to kid). It just seems that so often children’s church is used because that’s what’s always done instead of thinking about what is best. (Obviously something you all have done!) Small and personal churches are awesome – so glad you found a place to call home. Thanks so much for sharing your story and the reminder that what works for one child might not be best for the other! (And I suppose over the years of a child’s life needs will change too, this is probably something that parents have to examine regularly.) Thanks for stopping by!
Personally, I prefer a balance. I looked forward to seeing my peers and friends when I went to church as an adolescent especially – branching out and creating your own circles is an important part of that developmental stage. Allowing kids to build those relationships in a church where discipleship and mentorship takes place along side fun and pizza parties, etc. encourages teens to come to church when they might otherwise resist and resent being “forced” to go. That said, when I was growing up we went to Sunday School with our peer groups, but then went to “big church” with everyone – and over time we went from sitting and coloring to sitting a reading the hymnal to eventually sitting and taking notes and paying attention – as we grew older and those skills developed. On Wednesdays we had youth group – but we also served in AWANA and helped with Women’s Group events under the older ladies (very Titus 2) and our church regularly had family fellowship events like potlucks, BBQs and pool parties. I don’t think there has to be an either or – “You must go to a family integrated church or your a heathen and your children will grow up to hate God” . . . . but a both and . . . “Children, and teens especially, crave peer relationships AND they also need relationships with godly parents, discipleship and Titus 2 mentors” . . . Just my two cents.
Just for the sake of clarity – this is what my church time line (and, for the most part, it was similar for my siblings – though they were different ages when we moved, and since that meant changing churches each time, they did have a slightly different experience than I did) . . . .
Birth-2/3 years – I went to nursery while my parents went to Sunday school and “big church” (that’s what we always called the communal worship service and sermon time growing up)
3/4-11 years – I went to Sunday school with my peers (my mom was actually my Sunday school teacher for a while), “big church” with my parents and did other activities such as GAs, VBS and church musicals with kids of all ages.
11-13 years – I went to “youth group” which was a large chapel service and then broke off into our grades for a devotional and then went to “big church” with my family (sometimes this was flipped with big church first and then “youth group”)
13-18 years – I went to “youth” Sunday School which included all the middle and high school students at my church, sat in service with my parents when I wasn’t working in the nursery – and also began to sing specials and do praise team. I volunteered with AWANA and VBS, helped lead a girls’ purity conference and in high school began going to a separate youth bible study for high schoolers on Wednesday nights.
Overall, I think I was given more leadership opportunities than my siblings and that definitely has made a difference. Even so, there was a good amount of time in my early-mid 20s where I just plain didn’t care about church – despite my largely positive relationship with it growing up. But I do think that having had those opportunities to serve and learn were a big reason I had a good foundation and ended up coming back when my siblings have not yet. (Again, despite godly parents and a largely positive experience with church growing up . . . )
That does seem like a pretty nice breakdown and families could do things differently if they chose. My church has nursery the same as your did and children’s church goes through 5th grade. Not until 6th grade do they sit with their parents during big church except for the occasional random Sunday.
I love what you have to say. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts. A balance is important – kids do need to build relationships with their peers and know how to relate and interact with them and church is a fairly safe place to do it. I love how your church did Sunday School divided by age and big church everyone was together. Gives the opportunity for age specific learning and for multi-generational worship as a family. Having all those serving opportunities is great too, love how it made a difference. YES! You are absolutely right, it’s not an either or and how the both and for each individual family looks will be different. I know it can be so easy for me to get in the rut of just doing things a certain way without thinking about it but taking the time to look at even routine decisions makes a difference. Thanks for stopping by giving your two cents and story – I really appreciate it.
What an interesting blog post. I think we also need to look at the scriptures to see what it says about Sunday School. There isn’t any command or examples in the bible talking about classes or separating the family. There are however passages where God required undivided assembly. When God intended His people to be taught he instructed Moses exactly how it should be done. Deuteronomy 31 :12-13 Gather the people together, men, women, and children,and thy stranger that is within thy gates,that they may hear,and that they may learn,and fear the Lord your God and observe to do all the words of this law. And that their children which have not known anything may hear and learn to fear the Lord your God, as long as ye live in the land whither ye go over Jordan to possess it.
Another verse to consider is 1 Corinthians 14:35 And if they will learn anything,let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church. I personally know females who are Sunday school teachers and I don’t think it is right according to scripture.
Just my two cents. Have a great day.
Thanks so much for reading and your thoughts! I really enjoyed reading them. Love the passages that you pointed out. God did gather everyone together not separate them my ages so each group could be taught at a different level. Have a great weekend!
Thank you!! I have been struggling with this since becoming a mom 3 years ago. I feel like I walk into church and immediately say good bye to every member of my family!! There are Women’s Studies, Men’s Studies, Women’s Retreats, Men’s Retreats… but what about my family! Where can we all learn and grow and serve together?
Our kids are close to the same age I think, my oldest just turned 3 1/2. I agree, I wish that church did things for the entire family. That’s the nice thing about the internet, we can feel not alone even though in our daily life we seem to always be going against the grain. I hope you guys find a balance that works for your family!