Let’s talk about an often over looked part of church ministry. We know to appreciate our pastors, but what about their wives?! This post is all about ways to appreciate her and ideas of gifts for the pastor’s wife (and their children)!
Our pastor’s families sacrifice a lot with all the time spent on call, visiting in the hospital, dealing with stressful situations, and having an unpredictable life.
Birthday’s, holidays, and Minister Appreciation Month are all the perfect time to do a little something for them to let them know we appreciate their service to our church as well. The problem can be actually coming up with ideas of gifts for the pastor’s wife and meaningful ways to appreciate them.
We don’t want them to feel neglected and unappreciated, so these things can be a sweet way to show your gratitude.
Andrea, a pastor’s wife in the Twin Cities and mother of 4 children, ages 2-11, is back again today to share some gift ideas with us.
Guest Post by Andrea
Take some time to get to really know your pastor’s wife and build a friendship. Knowing likes and dislikes will help you as you decide the best gifts for you pastor’s wife and how to really show her she is appreciated.
Ideas of Gifts for a Pastor’s Wife:
1. Food. Arrange for someone to bring a meal for your pastor and his family twice a week during the month of October. Find out their likes/dislikes and allergies! If you know your pastor’s wife loves brownies, make them a pan!
2. Cleaning. How about a house cleaning service? (Know your pastor! If they wouldn’t feel comfortable with you cleaning their house, consider giving them a certificate to a cleaning company?)
3. Physical pastor’s wife gift:
- Gift cards addressed to her for: spa/hair salon, coffee shop, favorite clothing store. (Please don’t offer to take her shopping – this can be very awkward! Instead, give her a gift card and offer to babysit her kids while she goes out shopping.)
- Take her out for a movie or coffee.
- Send her flowers on her birthday.
- If she enjoys outdoor activities, take her out for hiking, tennis, boating, etc.
- Small gifts that you know she’d appreciate. Whether books, a necklace, a gift bag of treats she might not splurge on herself. If you don’t know her well enough to do this on your own, ask her husband or children for ideas!
4. Practical ways to encourage your pastor’s wife.
- Write her a note of encouragement and appreciation.
- Pray for her instead of criticizing and judging her.
- Don’t listen to or participate in gossip about her.
- Give her grace: she is human just like you. Don’t hold her up to your expectations: pastor’s wives are not all the same. They are uniquely made by God with personality, talents, strengths and spiritual gifts that the Holy Spirit determined were best for them. Some are introverts, some are extroverts. Maybe they can play piano, others cannot. Some love to serve in children’s ministry, others do not. Some are called to women’s ministries, others are not! Allow them to be who God created them to be, not who you expect them to be.
4. Don’t forget your pastor’s children!
- Give them a gift card especially for them (ice cream shop?), or take the family somewhere fun (waterpark, indoor playground, disc golf, etc.)!
- Make each child a gift basket of their own with their favorite items.
- Write them a note of encouragement and appreciation.
- Pray for them.
- Give them grace: they are humans just like everyone else’s kids. Give them freedom to make mistakes, freedom to learn and mature.. If you have a concern, talk to your pastor lovingly about it as you would want someone to talk to you about your own children. (Don’t have different expectations for his children than you do for your own!)
- Don’t listen to or participate in gossip about your pastor’s children. Take a stand in that moment and remind the gossiper that they are just children who are in the process of becoming more and more like Jesus, just like all of us.
5. Couple Time. Give the pastor and his wife time together. Give them a gift card to a restaurant and babysitting services. Don’t just offer to babysit the kids, ask them specifically, “Can we schedule an evening for me to babysit your kids?” Many times they might feel awkward to approach YOU with a request to babysit. It’s better if you approach THEM with a specific offer.
6. Respect their family time! Avoid calling their husband and father on his day off, or during dinner hours or on vacation.
7. Remember. Be sure to remember them on their birthdays and anniversaries! Send a card in the mail. Pray for them.
Be sure to read the comments for more ideas, especially on the importance of non-tangible gifts and our words!
What are you favorite ways to honor your Pastor’s family? What are your favorite gifts for a pastor’s wife to give (or receive if you are a minister’s wife)?
Originally published October 3, 2014. Updated September 15, 2020.